The Sugary Smell of Springtime
by Jacqueline King
Summary: Roxas is no one until Riku comes to him. But he knows it's just as fleeting as the seasons. It doesn't matter, not when it feels like someone loves him. Roxas/Riku one-shot. T for yaoi. Suggested Riku/Sora.


**Author's Ramble: **So, I'm writing another one-shot rather than working on my projects like I should be. -Hides, knowing she'll probably be smacked- But this one's sort of interesting. One of my experimental pairings. Meaning Roxas/Riku action everybody! And yes, I mean _action._ It's not amazingly discriptive, if you're into that, so just be aware. Lots of metaphors and all that. Anways, hope you enjoy!

Oh, and I give credit for the title to Death Cab for Cutie and their song "We Looked Like Giants".

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What is it about the way he moves that makes me want to stop breathing? Why do I usually comply? I am stretched out on the quad, under a big weeping willow as the sun shone over the well-kept grass. All the colors are too bright, giving away the sure sign of springtime. The blue of the sky couldn't be cleaner, the bottle green of the grass couldn't be crisper, and the way Riku's hair sparkles like a diamond couldn't have taken my breath away any more. But like most days, he's not near me. He's on the other side of the quad with a group of his friends playing blitz ball. I am used to being the silent observer from my place beneath the weeping willow. The leaves sing with the breeze. I long to sing with them, to lie my head back against the bark and forget about finals and let the watery warmth of the sun wash over me. But if I do, I will miss my chance. I can't miss it. I only get it once a week. 

He's taken off his jacket to let the same breeze that teases the leaves around me tease his arm's exposed skin. I wonder if he knows I'm watching him. Does he show off for me? Am I seeing too much of me in his life when I really should be seeing less? I can't stop wondering if he'd even know I exist if he wasn't a friend of my brother's. No one else knows I am here… I'm so invisible in this place; I am all but physically intangible. He passes the ball to Sora, the boy who is my twin. Sora bounces it past another boy with a grace that I will never have. It is not the same grace and poise Riku possesses, with his muscled arms and yet feminine features. It's a grace from hard practice. Riku does not need practice; it is just natural for his body to know what to do with the ball. I used to envy this. Now I only love it like everything else about him.   I chance a glance around me. The grounds are speckled with students, all glad to be rid of their uniformed jackets and enjoy the warm air. I don't know how I am going to talk to him properly without someone noticing. Because even if they don't notice me, they'd notice Riku talking to a nobody. I gaze back out to the group towards the bike rack passing their blitz ball back and forth effortlessly. It hits Riku's shoulder blade, and he rolls it down his arm to the elbow for a good toss at Sora. They ignore the others for a moment and just pass back and forth, in a harmony that I will never have with my brother or the platinum haired senior.

Jealousy can be like a drug.

Eventually, the group begins to disperse. The one I never really liked with the orange hair turns to a bike at the rack and soon is pedaling off with the blitz ball under his arm. Sora turns towards home. He thinks I'm already there. Soon it is only Riku, who is supposed to go to his afternoon class. He swings his jacket over his shoulder carelessly, and saunters over the grounds as other students leave the quad. Some heading for home, others back inside for another hour of classes. But Riku is the only one that's heading towards me. That ever is heading towards me. If people notice him, they just think he's going to relax in the shade for a moment after tossing the ball in the new spring weather. He shivers, reminding me that the shade still has the bite of winter within it. I never notice. The cold is natural for me, just as the shadows.

"Roxas."

It's never like a greeting when he says my name. Just a statement of the present; I am Roxas, at least for this moment I am. Eventually I would fade away to being nobody, but I never want to think about that. You can't, when you're living day to day like I do. Hoping for that glimpse, for that chance.

He reaches down and takes my hand that seems so weak and useless in his strong grasp. He pulls me up smoothly, not even struggling with my skin and bone body. I give him a smile that I know is just as weak as my grip. It's hard to smile for someone, even as amazing as him, when you only get to smile for someone once a week. He ruffles my hair, but then his fingers stay there a moment, running through the roots of the blond spikes as if he is thinking. It's the first time he's come close to public affiliation with me. Usually we just walk off down the sidewalk, him leading me to the best place for him. But I know today is special.

"I want to show you something," he says so quietly that his voice seems to have mimicked the sway of the branches or the rustle of quiet, new forming leaves. I take a deep breath, relishing in the sugary smell that came with the promise of spring. I nod. He takes my hand, and leads me off. I know that he only holds my hand now for two reasons. One being that there's no one around to see anymore and the other because he's always worried I'll disappear.

_I think sometimes you'll just vanish, Roxas, right out from underneath me._

If he only knew the reason why I haven't yet is him.

We walk down the sidewalk, our hands twined together but close to our bodies at the same time. I love this contact. He tells me about his day. I listen, like I am supposed to. There's a rumor going around that he likes Sora as more than a friend. At hearing this, my hand unconsciously tightens its grip on his. He squeezes back before adding, "Rumors are rumors, Roxas. You of all people shouldn't let them get to you."

Normally they don't, because I don't listen or care to listen. But I can see in his eyes he's questioning the rumor just as much as the students of our school are. He doesn't know if their gossip is true or not.

I begin to focus on the way he is leading me. Usually we'd stay close by, the park with its thick woods and small bubbling creek, an old house that no one is sure who owns that is a common place for students to break into after a dance. But he leads me past all of these, directing us towards the road that eventually meets up with a country lane that winds its way all around the main island.

As we pass mounds of wet grass sprouting dandelions and clovers, I begin to think of all the ways life is going to change so soon. Riku will be going off to school, someplace far from here. A single fat bumblebee hums by in search of better selection than the tiny flowers before us. Eventually we meet up with the country lane, zigzagging our way through the blooming foliage. There was truly no one to disturb us here. After a while, we turn off the road altogether and follow a beaten path through a thicket of trees that press themselves against the tiny path, suffocating it with their wake.

Somewhere along the way, Riku had stopped talking.

Now we are at the end of the path, facing a jagged cliff that drops off to the crooked shore many feet bellow. There is a small clearing before the fall, filled with soft, thin grass that you only see in movies. I let go of his hand and amble forward, lost in the moment. The ocean's roar is softer here, and it's like a lulling melody to dance to.

Why am I so special, to deserve a place like this when all I need is him?

"Remember when I first asked you to come with me?" Riku says, his voice oddly shaky as he steps alongside me. He wraps his arms around my waist. This is unlike our usual routine. I am so used to him being full of an animal-like energy, a neediness, that I have no time to think before everything is said and done, and he whispers that he is sorry and he shouldn't be doing what he's doing. I only kiss him, silently telling him that I don't care. But even after he knows, I still see the regret in his eyes.

He always comes back for more.

I nod. I knew that he needed me then, and I know that he needs me now. The only question is for how long?

"I felt so… dirty." He isn't speaking to me anymore. He's whispering the words into my neck as I lean back upon him. He wants so much to be accepted. Why can't he just let my acceptance be all he needs? "But I know now… that it was what I really wanted. You're what I wanted." I listen to his lie.

Hope is a worse drug than jealousy. When you come down from the high, it's much more painful.

He kisses my neck in a way that only he could. Even if he is acting different, the motion is still the same; still more possessive than loving, still more needy than tenderly. I surrender to him, like I am supposed to. How can I ever say no to him?

He begins to remove my jacket; I pull at the hem of his shirt. We stand the way we were with my back to his chest. We both know what will happen the moment our clothes are discarded. He hurries. I take my time, the longer to be with him. But I cannot stall forever.

The ocean's breeze is numbing against my exposed skin, but his chest is warm. I turn to face him, and he's watching me with his aquamarine eyes filled with something different than the lust and longing I am so used to seeing. "Never change Roxas," he begs. I smile, and he pulls me down to the earth, lips already greedily taking up my own.

We soon become a tangle of limbs and goose-bumped flesh upon the softly crushed grasses. The waves crash against the base of the cliff, sending the pattern up through its face in vibrations of the rock. Our bodies mimic the waves' constant motions.

_Crash, relapse, contact, withdraw, pleasure, pain_.

I clutch the grasses, breaking stems as we fumble to make the contact to know we still exist. That we're not alone in this. I let my head roll back, exposing my neck and allowing him to see that I am his. I've always been his. I grit my teeth. It is pleasure and pain all at once, and I gladly do it for him.

The waves reverberate against the rock, crashing in a roar which silences the sound of me crying his name. Moments later, with the next wave, he falls against me, utterly spent. With shaking arms, I wrap my arms around his body; holding him closer than anyone would ever get.

"N-never change," he gasps. I know now that that command isn't meant for me. But I let myself believe it is. Those beautiful aqua eyes struggle to stay open. I hold him tightly and kiss his collarbone. The tension that was in his muscles has all relaxed and he shifts slightly so we lie beside each other. He places a slack arm upon my shoulders, too tired to really hold me. I snuggle closer, and as he falls asleep, I hear him whisper, "Sora…"

I close my eyes, pretending it was my name he just whispered.

"I love you, Riku."

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**Author's Plea: **I like to know what my readers think! Please review! 


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